Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
