It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
