ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
