At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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