I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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