laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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