....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
