Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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