You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
