what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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