when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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