If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
