Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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