I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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