i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
