I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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