I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
