Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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