I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
