At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
