hell yes lets make some ravioli
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
