kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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