No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
