it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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