u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
