he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize