This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
