I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
