At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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