You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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