I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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