Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
