we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
