All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
