you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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