If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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