I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
