We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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