Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
