whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I FOUND THE LEGS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
