Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
