I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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