Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
