my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He better not be in your backpack
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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