It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
