Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
