Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
