My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
