I'm lost and stupid without you.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
they need to just BURY HIM!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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