Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
