I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
