Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
