the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
