i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
