he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love having hate sex.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
