you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
