I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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