shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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