Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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