Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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