Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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