He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I need to stop coming to work sober
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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