I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
