I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
