I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
