:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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