you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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