just tell him i said nine months
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
