I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
