I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
