Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
