On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
