Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
