apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
