I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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