She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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