I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
