I feel great
I just peed on a car
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
